She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
