Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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