Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize