yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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