the day after is always just damage control
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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