What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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