i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize