I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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