Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
