If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
