stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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