Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
