wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
