the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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