I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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