She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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