she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
