Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
