Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
