So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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