i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
