You're my little dorito
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
