Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
