I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
