we have officially lost it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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