I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
