Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
