Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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