I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
