you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
