It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
