he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
