I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
