I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
