this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
