omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize