trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pooping to opera.
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