haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize