I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
