It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
