Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My pussy is not your playground.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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