I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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