my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
