I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
