like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
