Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
