I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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