dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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