Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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