three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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