Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
