no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
