Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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