ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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