You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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