When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize