Plan B is the new Plan A
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
