ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
