it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
