textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
