I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
