Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The Olympian is in my bed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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