yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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