just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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