Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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