Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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