Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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