I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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