That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
