Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I did not marry a roomba.
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