It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize