you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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