I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
