just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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