flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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