Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
