as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
