we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just pee around me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Terrible idea I love it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
