i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just pee around me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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